pushed away

its 12:34 sorry adhd moment

SATURDAY....it will be 5 years since i began my walk my savior jesus christ.
i never really thought about until tonight. the spirit of jesus came upon me
& hit me like it did 5 years ago. something so amazing. something so indescribable.
it gives me the good chill bumps (:

yea sometimes i've felt this way but not as strong as i do right now.
the 23 day experiance of twb must have something to do with it.

over the past years its been an up & down adventure with my savior.
i've been blessed with talent, athletics, friendship, family.
theres been times where im screaming at the celing up to him
 wondering why or how certain things happen.

i know i've pushed him out of my life then welcome him with open arms
looking back now in the past 5 years. pushing him away i've taken it all forgranted
all the things wonderful & not so wonderful he's put in my life.

being a pk (preachers kid) theres a sterotype that all those kids get turned away from jesus
because its forced down there throats. i'll laugh because i know that all too well.
my parent has turned into a preacher more times than one.
when i need advice i feel like im sitting in church pew
rather than sitting on my own couch getting parently advice.
so yes it has pushed me away.
i'm a hard headed. so i'll fight this sterotype & being a teenager
i'll alway push away my parents advice thinking i know better.

now though feeling this way again. i will no longer push away my lord & savior.
call me a jesus freak for writing this or feeling the way i do now. i'll just pray for you.
that someday you'll feel the way i do.

i not only have pushed out the big man upstairs in my life.
i've "grown apart" from those who actually where there from the
start of my walk with christ. growing apart. pushing away. same diff in my book.
life gets busy but you can't be busy for those who are important to you.
some have stepped up to fill there shoes. & im thankful for them.
but i'm getting back to my roots slowly but surely im getting there.
no matter how long it takes i'm getting there.

finally i've pushed away another biggie.
i've pushed away love. im a picky eater. im a picky lover
today i read a line that said 
"you always fall in love at the wrong time." & i certainly did. the timing was off.
but i don't think i fell in love with the wrong person. at the time i fell in love.
i know i'l fall in love again. i know next time it won't be the wrong time. because
instead of trying to figure everything out on my own. i'll have god there right beside me
step by step to help me out not just when times get tough like before.
but everday. the next person i'll fall in love with, will not only have to love me.
they will have to love my god as well.

"by loving god you love yourself. god knows you from every hair on your head to your last toenail."
i'll close with im learning to love god again. so im learning to love myself again.
im not perfect. only god is. with his involement in my life
i'll be closer to the perfect person god had made me out to
be.

i may

be a 17 year old girl, but doesn't mean I'm young or old.
be a teenage, but that doesn't mean I know everything.
be a girl, but that doesn't mean I can't do anything..
be a daughter, but that doesn't mean I'm a daddys girl.
be a preachers kid, but that doesn't mean I live by those morals.
be a dreamer, but doesn't mean I don't loose hope.
have turned my back on those morals a few times, but doesn't mean I have lost my faith.
have been heartbroken, but that doesn't mean I've given up on love.
have broken hearts,but that doesn't mean I'm bitter.
have grown up a little, but doesn't mean I was ready to.

i'm learning everyday
to just live my life one day at a time
the mistakes i make i have to learn from them
the choices i make they are mine.
i'll forgive who I choose
I'll forget who i choose
for now its a beautiful life

not alot but enough for now
later gators

teens westward bound

in twenty-three days, eighty-six strangers from virginia,south carolina, north carolina,
and ohio became more than friends. we made memories,
we shared tears of laughter and sadness. we shared meals,
and yes even shared body odor because of not showering in 2 days.
those eight-six strangers became my family and those 23 days i will never forget.
i found out who i was and who i wanna be.
heres to teens westward bound. live for today,the laughter and tears.
but most importantly the love and friendships i made.
june 14-july 22 2009

the best 23 days of my life

just a thought

i couple of thoughts that keep running in  my head for the
past week or so that i need to
let out  (who reads these anyways)?

what classifies somebody as beautiful or ugly?
do their eyes,ears mouth, & toes
have to align in almost a perfect way
or does there soul have to shine through
like the summer sun.

if somebody is ugly
do they walk funny or have a wanky nose
or are they consumed by the earthly things
not to see the beauty within themselves?

what defines friendship?
best friends or enemies?
does that one stranger have such
a curiousity about who you are, the things you do & say
that they can't help but get close
to form a bond of many memories
full of laughter tears & photos

if somebody is our enemy
how did we get that way.
we all start out as strangers
i understand there is some sour things
can be done & said towards us or them
but eventually can't we get over our dfferences
& walk away with a little less bitterness than
the step we took before.

what is love?
it's been givin so many synonyms
that's been twisted into something
we all question.
is it just something from their
toes to their hair that we can't live without
is love such a powerful thing that it becomes
additictive & when we are with them
its a high that gives us butterflies, smiles, hope,
& feelings that we can't explain
without them the withdraws are so
severe that our minds body & souls
can't function. & the only thing
left to do is weep & wish to have
it back.

faith & fate
do those coincide or are they both coincidences?
both invole beliveing, & trust that things just happen
but what separates them is a vowel of view
thinking of the glass half empty or full.

like i said who reads these anyways?
(:

comment please!!!
& don't steal it because i did write this

i would consider this 6 days

 TILL I GO OUTWEST!!!!

i'm super excited (i don't know if you could tell or not)
but i've waited a year for this trip & its practically in sight.
(:

so i haven't done quotes in a long time
& i think i might as well get to some
to make up for lost time

QUOTES

we've sleeping late but we're not lazy
we're getting older but we're still crazy
i'm so glad i have these friends of mine
-friends o'mine bowling for soup

180 days left with the kids
i learned how to read & write with.
180 days left of memories with the ones that mean
the most to me.
180 days till promises of sticking together till we're old
& grey will slowly fade away but we won't mind.
180 days left of high school
180 days of memories that will surpass the 12 years prior

"chances are you'll remember watching endless hours
of superbad, step-brothers, and pineapple express with your
fellow senior friends than what you got on your algebra test"
-michael davidson graduation speaker

"to you juniors sitting in the crowd that many of us posted
comments on your facebook walls about not being a senior yet
till we walk across this stage, you time has come in 15 minutes
just make the most of it i know i did"
-alexa martin graduation speaker valedictorian

the creative beauty of love

“a person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly.
you can have a wonky nose & a crooked mouth & a double chin & stick-out teeth,
but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams
and you will always look lovely.” -The Twits. “

shut up and put your money where your mouth is
that’s what you get for waking up in Vegas
get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
that’s what you get for waking up in Vegas

as people we need spring. we need something bright
new hopeful refreshing to get us out of the winter mood.
winters can have its moments of cheer but for the most part its cold.
it just reminds us of the year is ending & how many things we wish we could of done,
we did and what we we could of done better.
yeah there is new years to “start over”, but do we truly start over?
you see the gym rates drastically drop to keep your new years resolution.
we don’t see many people drinking soda for the first month but after awhile
we just can’t do it and we give in again. just to say okay well there is always next year.
or for the religious we have lent. 40 days of “no temptation”.
spring is the opposite its a permanent cleaning.
its a permanent cheerful nature because its always warm.
it says okay lets just get out of this winter cold shake off our
heavy winter coats of non cheer and be sunny.
-i wrote that im dang on proud of myself (:

I wish I knew you, way back when
before you were a part of my plans,
I think that we would have been friends.
-you'll always be my best friend relient k

“music is music; it should be sung from our lungs to the rooftops.
not contained in time and space on c.d.s and ipods.
without music the world would be deaf to life,
and experience blind to others words and opinions.
so let music ring from rafter to rafter
because if you think music can’t make a difference in somebodies life.
you music be oblivious to all things wonderful"